Rainy Boring Night

It is raining hard here in good ol Seattle. The gutter is clogged, so the sound of a waterfall outside my front door is very loud.

I have come to an interesting point in life. I seem to have no friends and no boyfriend. damn.
It is Friday and I do not have anyone to call to keep me company. I must seriously be a heinous bitch to end up with no friends at age 33.
I'm cooking me steak and a baked potato for dinner. yuuuuum! Maybe I will put a log in the fire place.

Mr. Universe just called me. But I missed the call. I returned the call and left a vmail. lame.
I have a buzz going.. and its not from alcohol;)

I feel lonely a lot. I miss having a man around. It's been about a year and a half since me and babydaddy hit the skids. It's been a weird year. I started dating exbf when I was 8 months pregnant. That was very endearing, that he could see some beauty in me, even at such a big and awkward stage. That made me trust him. It all started out so well. He really made it a priority to come see me. He was very concerned whenever we had a misunderstanding or if i would get upset, he would take time to really talk it through and show that he cared. Within the first 2 months he had already fallen off so bad from making me a priority. Then I started to question if he really was faithful and loved me. From there.. (3rd month in) I had one foot out the door. I have ever since. So this break up is not totally out of left field. However, it was so sudden and ended up being such a rude thing in my opinion. My feelings are hurt. I'm pissed. I never wanted this to fail. I have tried so hard to be faithful and to be patient. In the end, its simply me asking to be treated with more respect, that is the straw to break his camels back?

I guess he is weak. I guess he never cared that much. Either way, I slowly figured him out. He is not as capable as I originally thought. In all areas. The things that impressed me are no longer there. He was financially stable. He was into church and his relationship with God. He had a
purpose.

Now? He has been humbled in several ways. It has been hard to watch. I think his situation is humiliating to him. I don't know why this always happens. Men fail when they are with me. The only exception would be the ex husband. He flourished with me. But most just quit their jobs or lose them, and end up homeless. Then we eventually break up when they are taking forever to get their shit together! grrrrrr

I'm so bored. I hope something exciting happens.