WHEW!

I had a fun night. oooooo it was fun fun fun!

It involved me, Sierra Leone, captain morgan, and the palpable vibe between us

I wish I could write graphically like I used to.. but I just can't. Let's just say that a great time was had by all, and I would be perfectly happy for that type of fun to be repeated as much as possible ;)

Today I feel... pretty satisfied with that whole situation. I am very comfortable with him. To the point where I tell my stories, and things just go really naturally. Plus he lives very close. This guy is a prime contender for main cuddle buddy. So far, every time we are parting ways, he makes a future date to hang out. I like that.

I feel kindof sprung. damn.

Playa Playa

Well, I have changed my dating strategy. I was originally feeling that I would like to "date with a purpose", which basically means, I do not want casual relationships, casual sex, etc.

I have found that dating this way is not easy at all. In fact, I think it will be a raging failure, so I have loosened the reigns.

I am now trying to relax a little about the whole thing. Instead of focusing on one guy at a time, fuck it! I will just keep a stable of possibilities. I have done it before and it works decently. The main issue is that men pretty much just HANG IN THERE until you give up the panties. sigh.
I have 2 guys most recently

** There is the guy who is from MS that sounds dumb as rocks when I talk to him. We had some amazing chemistry the first time we hung out. But after an unsavory conversation yesterday, (where I asked him a question and he got defensive), I am so turned off, I really don't care if we ever speak again. really.The thing is, when a man's conflict/resolution style is immature, I just can't hang. Not these days. Not now. I have no patience for the mundane arguements, especially when arguing with someone extremely below my intellectual level. It disgusts me. Like arguing with one of my children.

**Last night I hung out with a 25yr old who is from Sierra Leone and on track to get his Pharmacist degree. He was pretty direct about not wanting anything serious because he plans to attend grad school out of state within a year or so. His dreams include buying a house, then doing the wife and kids thing. He and I are not a match whatsoever in that regard, as my life is the opposite of that. I have the family and am now starting my education again! However, he may be a possibility for a cuddle buddy/casual affair, as he lives only a few blocks away, and clearly liked me. But someone please tell me.. what's up with people that CLANK TEETH with you when kissing?? So weird, and I don't know how to make it stop. LOL I liked him okay, but again, this is a guy that will just wait me out for sex. Its already obvious.

These are the 2 most recent points of interest in mission: Try to get a Life. They have broken up the monotony a little, so I'm cool with it. Sierra Leone guy has already made a future date for Saturday night. What I like about that guy is that he has some serious ambition, and has achieved a lot already. He has things to talk about. He seemed pretty forthcoming about his life and asked me a lot of direct questions, which seemed like he was fielding me to see where I fit into his rotation. Thats cool, cuz I was doing the same thing. I find that where I beat out my competition has everything to do with me being laid back about not chasing a guy, interrogating him, or emasculating him. I make it easy. I think i can maybe have some dating fun if I lose the expectations of everyone, and keep enough guys on the roster that I am entertained sufficiently without focusing on anyone. Yes, I know this is sortof a defeatest way to go about things, as I am succumbing to the ways of this world. I'm sure it's temporary. LOL

Man Delivery!

Well, I just had a nice and interesting convo with my 23yr old maintenance man:) I think I'm doing pretty good when I have a man show up on my doorstep at 830pm, and then let me know he is available to get to know me and wants to know if his age is an issue. hehe I guess that would be the silver lining in the broken pipe and flood in my downstairs bathroom. LOL

sigh

Its depressing. The level of fuckery going on in this world on a regular basis.

So many people just don't give a fuck anymore.

People are SELFISH

Just hurting each other and not giving a damn.

I guess I am getting used to it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt. and piss me off. and make me feel like crap. It just means it does not SURPRISE me anymore.

I am very grateful that when I pray to God to reveal things to me, He does.

This is His way of protecting me I suppose. Lord KNOWS I NEED IT.

I guess this is part of the reason why I stayed with the boyfriend, even through the neglect, for the past year. I felt like he was honest. He did not tell me what I wanted to hear.

I guess I gotta shake this one off, and charge it to the game.

King Dousche

I recently met this nice young man by the name of Brian Lovelace. Age 26, single, 2 daughters, lives in Mount Vernon. He is a personal trainer and training for the olympics.

We met at Dennys for coffee, late one evening. We had originally met online, and had innocently chatted a little here and there over the past couple months. He had originally contacted me through a dating site we were both a part of.

This same guy is also "Mr Universe" as mentioned in a couple of previous blog posts.
I tell this guy that I am not feeling a jump off situation, and that I would like to take things slow and really get to know him. Of course, he agrees that this is a great idea.

2 wks after our original get together, which was (Oct. 9, 2009), he came over.

He brought movies that he had burned. Paranormal Activity was the one I was interested in. It got over right around midnight.

He mentioned it being the "witching hour" and had to go. I joked that was he going to turn into a pumpkin or what?

As we hugged goodbye, he started nibblin on my neck... we made out, it got kindof hot and heavy..

This progressed to grown up activities that come after that. This did NOT include S.E.X., as I was not trying to go there ANY time soon. (we all know giving it up too easily kills the fun!)

I finally kick him out. We both agree that we had a good time.

This was 3 days ago.

Today, I was fartin around on good ol google, and decided to google mr. lovelace. What did I find?
I found a myspace page, belonging to a woman who will remain nameless, to not humiliate her specifically with this story. We'll just say she has the same first name as me, (which can not be found on this blog, so don't try). She is white like me, red hair like me, a bit chunky like me. I noticed her #1 friend is "Brian Lovelace". However, his page is private, and no picture.
I start looking through her pics.

LOW AND BEHOLD. My Jesus continues to protect me from harm. I found.............

Pictures of his wedding. Which took place a MONTH AGO.

Yes, pictures of he and his bride, their daughters, their friends.

From A MONTH AGO.

sigh.

I realize that this girl is living my nightmare. Anyone that knows my story, knows I dodged the "marriage to a pathological liar and cheater" bullet, 2 weeks before the wedding last year. And have 2 kids by that dousche bag.

So here I am, wondering what I should do here.

I have not told him that I know yet. I am still just fucking PISSED that ANOTHER LYIN ASS DOUSCHE BAG TARGETED ME!!!!

I wasn't sure if she would appreciate me contacting her, or if she would rather live in ignorant bliss. I know that I was GRATEFUL GRATEFUL GRATEFUL when women unwittingly were coming out of the wood work on my ex dousche bag.

I don't want to rock her world like that. It sucks ass!! It changes EVERYTHING! She JUST got married! She is probably over the moon with happiness. He is probably fucking other women before or after the gym every day like my ex dousche did.

So, he is claiming that they have been broke up about a year, that he lives with a bible thumping Jesus freak in Mount Vernon. That she lives in Bellingham. I find it strange that he can video chat with me all hours of the night, doing little strip teases and such. I mean, maybe she works nights? or goes out? Not sure. I know both times I have spent time with him, it has been a Friday night. He keeps telling me that our "relationship" will go as fast or slow as I want it to.

NEWS FLASH you moron. I was not born yesterday and i know how to use the fucking internet!! As soon as I found out his last name I googled him. But that day, I didn't try very hard. Today I got my answers. I had that adrenaline rush you get when you start busting someone. What a TERRIBLE FEELING.

Please don't be him!Please don't be him!Please don't be him!

DAMN!!!!!!!!! It's FUCKING HIM!!!!!!!!!!! WHY????????????????????????

Look, it's no big deal. I'm not in love or any such nonsense. I am just INSENSED that I ran into another one of these SO SOON!!! I mean, are they EVERYWHERE? SOCIOPATHS?? THese people are fucking monsters plaguing the planet. They seem to be in greater numbers up here in Seattle area.

This blog entry is dedicated to the loving wife. I'm sure she is a wonderful person who does not deserve this shit, and I will be NO PART OF IT. FUck that mother fucker for doing that to that girl and their little ones. If she ever goes looking for answers, hopefully Mr. Google will lead her here. I don't want to reach out and rock her world. If she wants to know, the info is now here.

Sorry girl.

randoms

I had a fun hangout on Friday with Mr. Universe. We watched "Paranormal Activity" and I made my almost famous White Chocolate Mochas:) The movie was pretty scary. The vibe, was comfortable. He is clearly comfortable around me and in my home. I can't say I take the situation seriously. I am having a hard time getting over his age. So far I can honestly say that he hasn't showed his age at all. I am being very direct in this situation, which so far he is working well with. My LAST "relationship" was with a person who doesn't take instruction at all. This guy, when I tell him what I would like to have happen, he does it, and CONSISTANTLY does it. (so far)

One of the main things I like is that every time I ask him a question through text, he calls me to answer it. Even if it's an uncomfortable question.

He asked me the other day if I am looking for a husband, or what I am looking for. I said I am looking for a meaningful relationship, and if it's not meaningful, then I don't want it. Marriage? who knows. I can't imagine feeling that sort of comfort level with a man. I'm looking for that man that is not selfish. The last two were VERY selfish, and I don't want to that.

I am noticing lately how broke everyone is. It seems like EVERYBODY is strugglin big time. I am doing okay because my job hasn't changed, but my ex husband has gotten real sketchy with child support. Also, I have too much $$ out there that I have lent to people that I trusted implicitly, only to find out that, just like their expenses were so important when they asked, their situation NOW is more important then paying back a single mom with 4 kids. sigh.

I will not be loaning again. I mean, these 2 people, I would NEVER IMAGINE they would make light of paying me back!! I mean, both of these people pretty much only provide for themself. ONE PERSON. It's so insulting and hurts my feelings. The girlfriend I loaned it to is NOW making it a priority, so I guess I am currently only talking about the guy, who said he would see if he has $200 to "spare" on the first. It did not sound very promising. And that's only half of what he still owes.

It is true what my mama told me.."NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED".

It's Sunday. This is my day to cook, laundry, and work, while juggling the kids. yaaaaaaay. LOL

1812 Overture "Tchaikovsky"

It's the strangest thing. Whenever I hear this song, it moves me to tears. within like the first 2 minutes. It is such a moving song to me. I think they should play it at my funeral. LOL

I was looking for used bassoons online today. I used to play. pretty well. I had no idea, while in highschool/college, that the borrowed instrument I was toting around was probably worth 10K or more. In looking online, most used bassoons are WELL over $6000. There are a couple around $3000, but they are probably crap, right?

It is very disappointing to me, that I may never again be reunited with my love..(bassoon) due to it being so damn expensive. I always dreamed of playing in a symphony.

I was watching this show on MTV last night, about young people who had 6 figure jobs, and then lost their job due to the economy. They could not find a job after that. I mean, one ended up working as a waitress at a restaurant and lacky at a nail salon. One eventually got a hook up from a friend after about 6 months, and the other was trying to do her own business, but only made $40 in a month! It made me afraid to start going back to school. My current job is not AWESOME, but it is the best I have had, and not too shabby. It seems that the job market is so crap, it may be stupid to quit my job/or cut my hrs to pursue education. sigh.

Mr. Universe did NOT come over the other night, and I am sticking to my boundaries. GO ME:)

I've been thinking about baby daddy. I am worried about him. I just can not wrap my mind around his level of fuckery. I think he is mentally ill. That thought is what makes me feel sympathy and worry. Maybe he is crazy and just never diagnosed. I just thought he was selfish, but this shit is just waaaaaay beyond normal. He is living as a homeless person just to avoid child support? I don't get it.

I watched the movie: Falling Down yesterday. I love that movie. It's about a guy who loses it one day. He kills quite a few people through out the day. He kills anyone who gets in his way or pisses him off. I would never do such a thing, but sometimes I think I want to. LOL (shhhhhhh that is our little secret)

I'm trying to figure out if I want a readership for this blog. I know if I use this URL when commenting on others.. that it will bring readership, but it makes me nervous. I'm stranger than most people know. LOL