I was so sick yesterday and last night that I thought I might die. It's crazy how the human body tries so hard to expel whatever is inside you that is harming you. I puked AT LEAST 20 times yesterday. It was awful. My tummy muscles are so sore and I lost 5 lbs.
Life has this totally different dynamic now that the babydaddy has decided to come around.
So far so good. He has been VERY reliable and helpful with the babies. He hasn't been inappropriate with me.
He opened up a bit tonight and shared some about his feelings.
Basically said he is getting older, he has made so many mistakes with his other children. That all he wants is to be a part of our kids' lives, "no matter what".
I must admit, it is heart warming to watch him bond with the babies. Our daughter is warming up a little more each day. I can tell he will be really good at helping her expand her vocabulary. He talks to her and is constantly trying to teach her. I must admit, juggling 4 kids, I haven't done as well at that as I maybe could have.
We are trying to avoid talking about the past, though it did come up tonight. Some of these conversations we just have to get out of the way. I don't want to argue or be angry with him. I just have so many questions. I have never understood why things went down the way they did.
I know how good he is at schmoozing me. I find myself wanting to believe the things he says, but nothing he says can nagate that he abandoned our family. FOR A YEAR.
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