"self esteem" is supposed to come from yourself!

I use this blog to purge. There are times where a certain thought/memory/etc gets stuck in my brain, and once I write it down, I can release it.

The consuming thought I am having right now concerns some time I spent with an old guy friend of mine. We'll use the same name I have always used for him in blogland: Virgo

I have NEVER been treated with such love, care and consideration in all my life. really.

1. He made sure to have milk and grapes in the house because he knows i like them.
2. He bought me a bottle of patron, a sack of the good stuff and a pack of cigs to get the party started, even though he doesn't drink patron or smoke.
3. Every time I texted him to see if he might be willing to come pick me up, he was THERE within 20mins. Even if he lived 30mins away. Johnny on the spot. NEVER MADE ME WAIT.
4. He cleared his whole weekend for me, even though I did not promise him much of my time.
5. He felt comfortable enough to take a nap, giving me free reign to snoop or whatever. I didn't. I read a magazine, looked at pictures, and played on my phone.
6. He remembers our entire 10yr history, and expressed to me with his actions and words, that I am important.
7. We have finally reached a point where we can discuss our current relationships/feelings about our futures, without me taking it personal, or him thinking I'm going to read something into the convo.
8. I felt like, for the first time ever with him.. that he loves me. And I told him that. I saw it in his eyes.
9. When my girlfriend's boyfriend came by Virgos house to bring me ID, Virgo knew I had been upset at the boyfriend and I generally do not like him. I went outside to collect my ID and was out there for about 3 minutes. Next thing ya know, Virgo is on his back porch, surveying the situation. I felt protected and I really appreciated that.

How did this all affect me?

I came home feeling very much.. like I had exhaled in a big way. This guy validated me in every way I was lacking. His care and attention to detail made me feel so loved. I came home feeling like a better person.

Having a guy that i love and respect so much, treat me with so much care, made me feel valuable. I wish I had that feeling inside myself, independant of other people. (and I think I do to an extent), but i really felt on cloud 9 with his loving attention.

I told him if I was on my death bed, I would want to see him. He is one of those people in my life.

The weird part was that I am currently in a committed relationship with someone else. I live thousands of miles from Virgo.

I kindof felt like I was cheating on my BF, because the way Virgo was making me feel.. was something you would normally get from a boyfriend.

The end result was, we had a great 4 days, we spent waaaaay more time than I expected, and we parted ways with a long hug, a couple ernest "i will miss you"s and a peck on the lips.

I will miss him. The memories that we made, just hanging out and talking.. i will hold near to my heart. always.