I'm really in a wack ass mood

I never write in this damn blog because I haven't even figured out what kindof blog this is.

I'm upset at my so called boyfriend.

Let's just say, I am terribly neglected emotionally and physically in the current so called "relationship". I have never dated a man who will leave for weeks at a time to see his mom/brothers/sister, like every other month, but I only see him once a week or every couple of weeks. I mean, WTF is that all about?

We haven't had sexy times in almost 3 months now. Yes yes I know. Obviously he is not my "boyfriend" and I just think he is right? Thats actually what I think too. I drove all the way out to his place (45mins) in the middle of the night, and when I got there, he just sucked on my titties and rubbed on me a bit. No kissing, no lovins. I mean, that was it. I feel like its very clear he is not feeling me, but he denies denies denies. Verbally, he is happy to reassure me that I am the only woman for him. But his actions make me feel completely insignificant.

So, what to do? I'm not sure if I'm dealing with a pathological liar, or a guy that seriously needs this LITTLE attention from his lady. What gives? And I guess, either way, neither scenario works for me at all. WTF am I doing?? Why am I even giving this guy a thought in my head? I just don't "get" him. And usually when I don't get somebody it's because they are lying their ass off.

See? When I write it down like this, it seems perfectly reasonable to kick his ass to the curb. It's just, when I see him in person, and we talk, he appears to be urgently 100% honest.

Bottom line, there doesn't seem to be any reason to hang in there. He doesn't validate me. He doesn't put in the work for a relationship. He doesn't even tell me he loves me anymore. (this is an 11 month relationship)

I feel like a lame ass loser for even humoring this at all. And here I am humoring it for almost a FUCKING YEAR????? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!

I guess its time to start shopping for a new man. sigh.